Free-Floating Hostility

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

More on Schmool

I like Schmool, but the stories about him have become an endless source of amusement for me. Most of these stories involve drinking, like the times (note the plural) that he got wasted, passed out on the couch, and emptied his bladder on the sofa.

So here are some more stories:

One night, drunken Schmool walked into his sleeping roommate's bedroom and starting shaking the bed.

Schmool: Hey (roommate), is that your bed talking?
Roommate: No, go to bed Schmool.

Roommate then gets up, and locks his door. Then 30 minutes later, Roommate hears his doorknob turning. "Is that your bed talking?" Schmool yells. Eventually Roommate asked Schmool to move out after discovering that Schmool's cat had pissed on his pillow. Of course, given Schmool's habit of relieving himself whereever and whenever when drunk, one wonders if said cat was just taking the fall.


Another funny thing about Schmool is that he owns a huge snake. One night, he got drunk and put the snake, which is big enough to kill a man, in the fridge for his new roommates to find. Now, I don't know if this is why he moved out of his old house, but there you go.

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