Oscar Roundup: Suck it, Sean Penn

I’m not going to comment on the winners and losers from tonight’s Oscars because, frankly, I didn’t bother to see most of the movies nominated. According to Chris Rock’s montage from the show that means I’m in the majority. Either that, or it means I’m black.

The most important part of the show was clearly the monologue, which was notable for the fact that it was actually funny. Sean Penn’s objections aside (what, do you have to turn in your sense of humor when you’re in rehab?), Chris Rock proved a brilliant choice for host. It’s probably because he comes off as not giving a fuck. I laughed my through the opening and snoozed my way through the rest of it. I wonder if a lot of funny stuff happened during the five-second delay that didn’t get through. If I hear about Salma Hayek and Penelope Cruz kissing for four seconds and having that dumped out on the delay, I’ll be crushed.

Some other thoughts:

• How the fuck does Hilary Swank have two best actress Oscars? I mean seriously, who is Hilary Swank?
• My favorite part of the show remains the highlights from the technical awards. I love watching the crotchety film geeks ogle the impossibly attractive actress who is their consolation prize for not getting their Oscars on the big night. It has to be a double-edged sword for the actress, who is being asked to rub against these (probably bad smelling) guys before they go back to their windowless closet of an office. On the other hand, at least you know that at least someone who matters in Hollywood thinks you’re smokin’.
• Did anyone bother to give Prince an advance copy of his script? And does Prince really need the presenter’s gift basket more than say, Lisa Loeb?
• Was the orginal plan to have the boys' chorus, in red sweater vests no less, who sang back-up for Beyonce stand in the dark or did the director notice their raging hard-ons during the rehearsal and decide to shroud them in darkness?
• Also can the academy please do a better job of keeping its later presenters away from the free booze (I’m sure there’s free booze) before they present? Dustin Hoffman was obviously shitfaced.
• Whose sister did Martin Scorsese knock up? Oscar's? Why is the academy so pissed at him?
  
• Living on the West Coast is awesome. The Oscars are over and we’re awake to blog about it.