New Year's Eve in the Flood Zone

My boss was sick Saturday night, so I drew replacement duty on the desk. The New Year's deadlines were normal (midnight), but informally the plan was to get out by 10 p.m. Mission accomplished. Then we declined an offer to brave the raging waters of the Sacramento River and stayed in to watch recent stroke victim Dick Clark ring in the new year, which was a fairly sobering experience. Luckily we weren't sober.

As we killed a bottle of champagne between us, we also made up a song.

Hemophiliac Farmboy Blues

ADD's a terrible affliction
But not as bad as meth addiction
I don't think that I'd like smack
'Cause I'm a hemophiliac

Chorus: I get cut, and I can't clot
Then I bleed and bleed a lot

Last time my girlfriend called the doctor
That was kind 'cause I'd just mocked her
When I called her Goody Proctor
Could be worse, I could have socked her

Chorus

Bridge: Platelets, platelets, why are you such bastards?
Platelets, platelets work a little faster

All I need is clotting factor
Then I'd go back to my tractor
But I'll never get into UCD
If I have to go to the ER for every scraped knee

Chorus (X2)