Free-Floating Hostility

Sunday, January 16, 2005


Ricola!

So I noticed about two hours ago that my throat felt swollen. I wasn't having difficulty breathing and it wasn't very sore, but I was mildly concerned, especially since I've begun a new medication for the first time today. Because it's a Sunday and I only belong to an HMO, I did not consult a doctor. Instead I consulted disreputable internet sources and Sol. Sol was able to reassure me that if I could touch my chest with my chin I did not have swollen glands. As to what advantages unswollen glands might afford, Sol was unable to enlighten me. I later consulted Jeff, who said that since my throat was only a little sore, maybe I had swallowed something only a little sharp, such as a koala bear.

My disreputable source offered some more sensible explanations. Thanks to Spring Break '99 I can rule out mononucleosis. My other choices are mouth injury (also excludable, as I am on a low-koala diet), STD's (it wasn't that exciting a spring break), or a less salacious bacterial or viral infection of one of the various parts of my throat. The trouble is that the tip-off for an infection is a fever, and I never get fevers. I had acute appendicitis without cracking 99-F. In fact, I'm normally somewhere in the mid-to-high 97's.

Nontheless I took my temperature, if only to retroactively justify my having purchased a thermometer in the first place. My first attempt yielded a reading of 97.2 degrees, which Sol informed me would be about typical for the undead. Perturbed, I took my temperature again, and this time got 98.1, which, for me, would actually be something like a low-grade fever. Over the next 20 minutes I took my temperature six times, getting a different reading each time, in no particular order or progression. I never went down to 97.2 again, but I did go as high as 98.3. Although the simplest explanation is obviously the crappiness of my thermometer, I'd appreciate it if some of you would call tonight to make sure I haven't died, preferably during commercial interruptions of the Golden Globes.

1 Comment(s):

  •   Posted by Blogger Jeff'y at January 16, 2005 6:23 PM | Permanent Link to this Comment
  • Re: the Golden Globes, I couldn't believe how they managed to assemble all five desperate housewives together on stage to present the award for best actor in a mini-series. That must have taken remarkable co√∂rdination, because from what I understand of the show (never having watched it), when they're not keeping house, they're always sleeping with one another out of desperation. But they found time for award distribution, so bully for them.

    I think Sol's suggestion was a way of checking for a swollen meninx or two. Which, I'm kind of glad you don't, because it would suck to spend your anniversary locked away in some hospital ward.

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