Announcement, with Coda
So the California AP awards are out, and Michael took 1st Place in Sportswriting. The newspaper, not the writer, gets to keep the actual plaque though. This being Michael's fourth AP award, I am feeling increasingly cheated of the opportunity to line them up on our (nonexistent) mantlepiece and boast. Well, one out of two...
Let me just clear my throat first...
Ahem.
To the sportswriters of California, and their spouses*:
Yeeeeeeeeeah bitches, my husband writes better than you and your bitch spouses! It's not just that he makes the job look good--I know he already had you beat in the style department when he bought his second pair of matching shoes. But I'd like to reiterate that he does his job better than you, and now he's number one in the whole state. What's that you say? Your honey got number two? How lovely for the pair of you bitches. I'm sure you'll be very happy with your new award, which isn't as good as his, and which will mightily fail to impress the judge who gets stuck arbitrating your sordid, squalid divorce.
*I would use a more general term than "spouse" but I've literally never met a gay sportswriter.
Let me just clear my throat first...
Ahem.
To the sportswriters of California, and their spouses*:
Yeeeeeeeeeah bitches, my husband writes better than you and your bitch spouses! It's not just that he makes the job look good--I know he already had you beat in the style department when he bought his second pair of matching shoes. But I'd like to reiterate that he does his job better than you, and now he's number one in the whole state. What's that you say? Your honey got number two? How lovely for the pair of you bitches. I'm sure you'll be very happy with your new award, which isn't as good as his, and which will mightily fail to impress the judge who gets stuck arbitrating your sordid, squalid divorce.
*I would use a more general term than "spouse" but I've literally never met a gay sportswriter.
2 Comment(s):
- Posted by
Unknown at March 22, 2007 11:20 PM |
Permanent Link to this Comment - Posted by Rich at March 23, 2007 8:18 AM |
Permanent Link to this Comment
Modesty requires me to point out that I won in Division IV, which is all papers below 25,000-circulation. So while I can claim dominion over plenty of sportswriters here in the state, it's not quite all of them.
On the other hand, ego requires me to say that the AP contest covers both California and Nevada.
Congratulations. It's nice to be recognized.
Hopefully, your sports writing skills & contacts (Billy Beane!) will translate into fantasy baseball success this year. If not, well, I guess shouldn't quit your day job ;).
