Free-Floating Hostility

Sunday, February 27, 2005

Oscar Roundup: Suck it, Robert Verdi

A Career-Making/Breaking Best and Worst Dressed List:

The Best:

As usual, Samuel L. Jackson was the only man who dressed with both sense and creativity. If I ever make a Best Dressed of All Time list, he'll be the only man on it. That is why I am so frustrated that I can't find a picture of his outfit tonight.

As for the women:
The Worst:
  • Laura Linney, who came dressed as a toilet seat cover
  • Melanie Griffith, who came dressed as Mystique the evil Shape-Shifting mutant from X-Men (we should also note that while Antonio Banderas has clearly lost his mind, he can still wear a pair of pants)
  • Spike Lee, who came dressed as a Shriner. This picture does not really capture the effect. I like that he wore sneakers, but what can you say about a man in a fez? Where's Ataturk when you need him?
  • Kathy Griffin, who would probably have escaped inclusion with the very worst were she not so painful to listen to that I had to mute her every time she came onscreen, forcing me to stare at her dress and contemplate its ugliness.
Mike requested a special list for People Who Look like they're Eating Shit Whenever they Talk. Obviously the list would begin and end with Renee Zellwegger.

He also wants all of womankind to know that the empire waist is a bad idea. Obviously, he did not call it the empire waist, he called it "that dress that makes Gisele look pregnant." Our early research has turned up no evidence of Gisele actually being pregnant, so I'm going ahead with the advisory notice.


3 Comment(s):

  •   Posted by Blogger C. Flores at February 27, 2005 11:04 PM | Permanent Link to this Comment
  • Who cares what people wear to the Oscars.. I think that whole red carpet fashion show with Joan Rivers is such crap...sorry... it takes away from what the movies are all about..

  •   Posted by Anonymous Anonymous at February 28, 2005 10:23 AM | Permanent Link to this Comment
  • Laura Linney: toilet cover with a mullet.

  •   Posted by Blogger Anna at February 28, 2005 7:52 PM | Permanent Link to this Comment
  • Well, C., you are half right. Joan Rivers is awful, and I'm guessing you wouldn't be comforted to know that she's been replaced by Star Jones Reynolds (I, on the other hand, love Star because she's so sweet to everyone, unlike myself). It clearly detracts from the focus on movies to be talking about what everyone wears. However, I say the Oscars are damn lucky something's distracting its audience from the spectacularly poor judgment displayed year after year in the distributing of awards. The Oscars were long ago lobatomized. If I had to swallow their judgment on movies without the sugar coating of dress-up, I'd never watch them, or more likely I'd just be pissed off all night.

    I had one occasion to design a dress--my wedding. I may never have another. So this is my chance to imagine what I would wear if I could, and to enjoy the heady illusion of arbitrating taste.

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