Oscar Roundup: Suck it, Robert Verdi

A Career-Making/Breaking Best and Worst Dressed List:

The Best:

As usual, Samuel L. Jackson was the only man who dressed with both sense and creativity. If I ever make a Best Dressed of All Time list, he'll be the only man on it. That is why I am so frustrated that I can't find a picture of his outfit tonight.

As for the women:

• Cate Blanchett was the clear winner for the evening.
• Bridgid Coulter, who may well be an accomplished person in her own right but who is also Don Cheadle's wife, put in an attention-grabbing second.
  
• The great Helen Mirren led us all to wonder anew how Taylor Hackford ever managed to snag her.
• There were also strong, though not breathtaking, showings from Kate Winslet, Tanya Lewis Lee (Mrs. Spike) and Catalina Sandina Moreno.
  

The Worst:

• Laura Linney, who came dressed as a toilet seat cover
• Melanie Griffith, who came dressed as Mystique the evil Shape-Shifting mutant from X-Men (we should also note that while Antonio Banderas has clearly lost his mind, he can still wear a pair of pants)
• Spike Lee, who came dressed as a Shriner. This picture does not really capture the effect. I like that he wore sneakers, but what can you say about a man in a fez? Where's Ataturk when you need him?
  
• Kathy Griffin, who would probably have escaped inclusion with the very worst were she not so painful to listen to that I had to mute her every time she came onscreen, forcing me to stare at her dress and contemplate its ugliness.

Mike requested a special list for People Who Look like they're Eating Shit Whenever they Talk. Obviously the list would begin and end with Renee Zellwegger.

He also wants all of womankind to know that the empire waist is a bad idea. Obviously, he did not call it the empire waist, he called it "that dress that makes Gisele look pregnant." Our early research has turned up no evidence of Gisele actually being pregnant, so I'm going ahead with the advisory notice.

THAT'S IT! THAT'S THE LIST!