Free-Floating Hostility

Saturday, March 26, 2005

The Quotable Carman 11

A few months ago I turned up an old list of quotations from my hallmates on Carman 11 that I kept my freshman year. I think it was a record of things we of the Jailbait Suite had written on our dry-erase board at various points in the year. Mike points out that he apparently said nothing quotable all of freshman year. Rich is also notably absent from the list despite having no doubt said many witty things between September of 1998 and May of 99. Miranda isn't on the list, and it was her dry-erase board. Joel was on the list, but I censored his quotation. And so on. So you can see that the list isn't really representative of anything, but there's some mildly amusing stuff on it, so I'm going to share it. Mike can console himself with the knowledge that he came up with calling us the Jailbait Suite.

Ryan (at the West End): Let’s pace ourselves, it’s early yet...Let’s hold back on that order of fries. [I believe he then turned to our server and ordered two or so pitchers of Black Star].

Dave A: Who’s Ally McBeal? Is she on Dawson’s Creek?

Akil: If there’re polka dots, why aren’t there hip hop dots?

Dave A: I’ll give you mad props, whatever those are.

Ryan: So, can I get you ladies a drink?
Girl: Didn’t you serve me mashed potatoes earlier today?

Erin meant: Why don’t you look for it in Dave’s room?
Erin said: Why don’t you look for it in Zeus’ room?

Scott (hi-fiving):Tina!
Tina (hi-fiving back): Tina!

Ian(on somebody’s crush): He wants to fill ‘er full of Jew.

Q: Why couldn’t Dave A find limes at UFM?
A: He was looking for cartoon limes and forgot what real ones look like.

Scott: Leo, I’m gonna baptize you with Rock N’ Roll!
Leo: I’m gonna baptize you with Gay.

Failed pickup lines:
1) “Hey, you got the long legs and I got the long tongue. Drop the white boy!”
2) “‘Erin’ means ‘Ireland’? I thought it meant ‘Do you wanna have sex with me?’”
3) “I’ve always been fascinated by tall women, cause, you know--horizontally...”

JZ: Man, Rainbow Brite is hot! Look at those legs!

Dave F: I’m done with calculus, and the next time I enter the Math building will be when I take it over in a student revolt.

Scott: I’m a tank, man! Enh, who’m I kidding. I get buzzed when John Jay serves tiramisù.

Hyejin: Man, he was so hot I almost fainted! Like those goats.
Us: What? What goats?
Hyejin: You know, those goats that faint when they’re horny. [It was later revealed that there is a species of goat called fainting goats that faint when they’re scared.]

Trevor (after grabbing Jeff’s crotch): I’m not gay, I’m just really comfortable with my sexuality.
Jeff: Great, but do you have to be so comfortable with mine?

Hyejin: Who’s the seventh dwarf? Sleazy?
Jothi: I thought the sleazy dwarf was JZ.

Hyejin: I can’t wait to take Psych so I can unleash my psychic powers.

Dave F: Can I be a professional conversation killer? I’m, like, a black belt in this shit.

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