LBL Employees are Premium People
I had my New Employee Orientation today. The major theme of new employee orientation at LBL is "No one here does any classified work." They said it at least six times, including during the health and safety slideshow. Okay, fellas, if you say not, I'll half believe you.
The one presentation for which it made some sense was the counterintelligence and counterterrorism section. This particular presentation featured a testimonial of sorts from an ex-KGB intelligence officer who defected in the nineties. He assured us that every single one of us, no matter how menial our jobs or how harmless our fields of endeavour, was by the simple fact of our working here meant a target. There was a silent montage of a woman winning over another woman at a conference and then guilting her into passing a manila envelope to someone in a car. The man in charge of the presentation said his goal was to sensitize us to the threat. Maybe I was already maximally sensitized to threats, but the only sense of mine that appears to have been heightened by today's training is my sense of self-importance. Now not only do I work at a joint with ten Nobel Laureates to its name (no, Jesse, I haven't read it yet, but I will), but somebody out there already has me in a database and is preparing to pretend to be my friend. That's good news for all of you, because obviously I can never make a new friend again, thus ensuring your continued importance in my life.
For the KGB of obscure references: the title refers to Everything is Illuminated, which is set in Ukraine.
The one presentation for which it made some sense was the counterintelligence and counterterrorism section. This particular presentation featured a testimonial of sorts from an ex-KGB intelligence officer who defected in the nineties. He assured us that every single one of us, no matter how menial our jobs or how harmless our fields of endeavour, was by the simple fact of our working here meant a target. There was a silent montage of a woman winning over another woman at a conference and then guilting her into passing a manila envelope to someone in a car. The man in charge of the presentation said his goal was to sensitize us to the threat. Maybe I was already maximally sensitized to threats, but the only sense of mine that appears to have been heightened by today's training is my sense of self-importance. Now not only do I work at a joint with ten Nobel Laureates to its name (no, Jesse, I haven't read it yet, but I will), but somebody out there already has me in a database and is preparing to pretend to be my friend. That's good news for all of you, because obviously I can never make a new friend again, thus ensuring your continued importance in my life.
For the KGB of obscure references: the title refers to Everything is Illuminated, which is set in Ukraine.
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