Free-Floating Hostility

Saturday, June 10, 2006

From the Annals of Gallows Humor

During my visit to New York, Jeff's Adam told me a story that he says he's not going to use for his blog since he hasn't updated it since October. No one who knows Adam will be surprised that while the events of this tale are objectively grim and Not Funny, he had me rolling. I'll try to do him justice.

Some number of weeks ago I think, Adam was driving his mother and his severely demented grandmother back to Sea Gate from a weekend upstate in his grandmother's former home--which, on an otherwise unrelated note, Adam believes to be haunted. Anyway, as they were pulling off the Triboro bridge into the City, Adam and his mother heard some telltale gurgling and turned around to find that Adam's grandmother was casually vomiting all over the back seat. He pulled into the nearest gas station, went inside and asked for "all your paper towels and all your cleaning fluid." He and his mother then set about cleaning up his grandmother and the car. So they were kneeling in the parking lot, wiping up an improbable quantity of vomit, and vomiting themselves, when an eight-year-old boy sidled up to them and offered, "Hey man, you wanna buy some weed?"

Adam relayed the question."What do you say, Grandma? Do you feel like getting high?" His grandmother blinked at him and made some noises, so he turned back to the boy and said, "No thanks, we're good right now."

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