Free-Floating Hostility

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Viva la Burocracia

Today I began Traffic School, which is part of my punishment for having missed the end of the yellow light in Berkeley by 0.00034 seconds once last June. My $390 penance is apparently not enough, and if I want my name cleared, I have to graduate an online course. I was a reckless driver before--I ran that light cause I thought I was invincible--but once I've finished my reeducation, I'll have a totally different attitude. I'll have respect for the law.

The course starts off on a cheery note:
Imagine California without traffic laws. Road speeds would accelerate dangerously as unskilled and reckless drivers set their own rules, dodging and weaving through traffic like a personal pinball game. Unmarked and uncontrolled intersections would become killing fields.

I don't disagree. However, it would be a little easier to contemplate my automotive mortality if the course didn't also include animated tits:

Hmm...what will happen if I do not take course? I don't know, but I sure want to find out.

I'm starting to think that if I dig hard enough I will turn up published research on police officer's sex organs as a deterrent to unsafe driving. The public service ad below is usually shown before movies at the Varsity.

I have to wonder...who exactly is the target demographic for this campaign? The effect doesn't quite come through online, but in the theater this cop's crotch is blown up larger than life for all the world to gaze upon. If it hadn't had the city logo on it I'd have had no trouble placing this as a still from an ad on The Robin Byrd Show. Want to meet cops? Well, that depends. If I get caught speeding will traffic school be taught by that 19-year-old model?


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