Reading List Update
So my old friend Erin, law student and famously cool customer, has been dating this lawyer for a while. This lawyer, Shawn, turns out to be Mariah Carey's nephew. If I ended this post right here it would already be the funniest thing I've ever told you.
But I'm not going to end it there. I'm going to tell you about Erin's big night at Mariah's album release party last week. Certain stimuli will transform my ice princess into a gusher: dogs ("Puppy! puppy! ohmigod you're a puppy!"), weddings (she sobs, in some cases during the rehearsal), and apparently famous people. Not all famous people; she'd already seen Puffy, so that was boring, but Erin says she began clapping her hands together and shouting "Oh my god" every time she spotted someone else, so much so that Robin Williams apparently turned to her and shouted, "Oh my god, it's me!" She also had an interesting run in with Randy Jackson, who thought Shawn was dating a 12-year-old until Erin stood up. "You unfold nicely," he apparently told her, and referred to her as "Shawn unfolding" for the rest of the night. I guess this means Randy Jackson is an asshole when he's hungry. If Shawn hadn't spilled something on Erin's dress, she would have gotten to meet Denzel.
I saw Rick Moranis once, and I started crying.
I am just wondering how Erin went home to face her old Metallica albums after going to the Mariah Carey Album release party?
I like the Randy zing.
Can we set up a webpage to host a contest where people try to guess the inevitable line on the next Ludacriss album that rhymes with "Ron Mexico?"
"Drafted number #1, can scramble or throw...
Scoring all over the A.L.T. like I'm Ron Mexico!"
--Nikko Sierra Leone
If you had used "Dave," you would have been Big Boy Spain, which might have gone better with your post.
Although your post was pretty brilliant as it was.
"Pumpin on your mama like I'm at Texaco
Bitch is wide open and receiving like Plaxico
Only 80 cents a gallon thanks to Ron Mexico."
(the beauty part is, mine's actually plausible)
The kid who sits next to me at work is a vegan (which, if you don't know how anyone manages to keep Kosher in general, try being a vegan). He is not Jewish but just started dated a girl who is, and he decided that he'd keep Kosher for Passover, but hardcore. No legumes (no soy, therefore) and no rice or corn means that he gets next to nothing by way of protein for the week. He's a nice guy and all, but it will be funny if his hair starts falling out.
He also observes Ramadan each year for no good reason (i.e. he's not dating a Muslim), and we were speculating what would happen if Ramadan overlapped with Passover. The consensus is that he'd be fucked.
Here are some tips for keeping kosher and functioning in the world.
1)Don't move to Davis California. I am not saying you are a bad Jew. I am just fully disclosing the fact that it is much easier for me to function in the real world as a Kosher Jew than you, because I got all these businesses marking up Orange Juice around this time of year to fleece my people.
2)For Pesach, go with meat and potatoes. I am not sure what the Mirer diet allows, but usually diets get left in Egypt during the Seder as we recreate the Exodus. Potato chips are a must. Jeff'y's friend better get his hands on some spinach soon or he is going to be having problems.
3)Wear a weird hat indicating that you are part of a weird religion all year round. Eventually people will get use to your strange eating habits and get tired of taunting you. Next thing you know, they are asking to try some of the Matzah and chopped liver you bring to work this week.
4)Finally, Matzah Lasagna, which is surprisingly good. Get your hands on some Matzah (to sub for the noodles), Kosher for Pesach cottage cheese, Kosher for Pesach Tomato Sauce, and some Kosher for Pesach Mozzarella cheese and imitate Lasgna. Spinach is optional for those in need of protein. It is quite good (at least when my mother-in-law makes it) and Anna safe.
Dude, there is absolutely no protein in Spinach. I will try the lasagna, though.
Wait, potato chips are legal? Shit, at the baseball game I avoided the big basket of chips because I figured there was no way they were legal. I would have eaten a lot less meat.
At home it's been burgers rubbed down horseradish, although I'm almost out of ground beef and need to figure out what I'm going to do next. Actually Matzah lasagna sounds pretty good. As for the diet thing, matzah's pretty actually pretty non-caloric.
Also, the owner of Houston Rockets is a vegan and the pregame media meal at their building is meatless.
You have to be careful about potato chips as they might be cooked in corn oil. Or you could simply not care.
Jeff'y is right. Try to find Utz potato chips.
Ryan took me to the Angels-Yankees game as an early birthday present on Tuesday night, and I believe that the cap used in the assault was the Angels cap he wore to the game.
The seats were good enough that we didn't get mercilessly taunted because of the hat, but it's more than sad that Ryan would take out his anger towards A-Rod on Sarahs.
Please do not alert all of the Teaneckers who viewed our wedding album over the Pesach holiday of Free Floating Chasseneh. We have them convinced our wedding album is the hippest thing to happen to Simcha picto-history since the contrived "Bride Applying Lipstick Before the Wedding" photo. We would like to keep it that way. (If it was not obvious, well done!)
You wouldn't even let me see your wedding pictures! I say you owe me a photoblog.
I'm dying to know, what' the big announcement?
that brings back terrible, repressed memories
Why would a former hitler youth member who headed the inquisition e a problem?
(Without giving too much away,) The saddest part of the book is the Dresden letter, which would fall under Mike's domain, so be careful. I cried a number of times throughout. The last time I did that was when I read Flowers for Algernon when I was 10 or so.
I heard Safran Foer interviewed on stage up at Columbia a couple of weeks ago and it was quite interesting (and I'm not too surprised that he's the type of person who would hit people up for blurbs). I meant to blog about his talk but it was back at the time when I was being lazy about my bloggages.
BrooklynDodger, despite a previous spanking for missing the point of WW, returns to methodological questions. For those among the FFH staff who have committed to biostatistics, these questions may have increased interest.
The overwhelming dominance of men over women in terms of the contest, apparently meaning the women are more attractive to the raters, questions what it means to "win."
First, one must address selection bias: who submits the photos? [likely the F or the F's parents]. Hypothetically, they don't care so much about how the M looks, more about how the F or self looks.
Second, BrooklynDodger would argue for normalization as a measure of winning: an F below median for F's might be more esthetically pleasing in picture than an M above median. Would that be a win or a loss for the F? [or M?].
Your criticism only applies if you believe the point of WW? is to objectively determine which member of a couple is more attractive. Our goals are more modest; we are satisfied with limiting our investigation to who looks more attractive in Times wedding photos selected entirely on bias. You might even go so far as to say that this studies what FFH's standards for winningness.
Whose the big winner? Mikey....no wait Lizzie's the big winner. Thanks for the post, that is sweet.
The Fake Pope clearly signals the End of Days. Tom DeLay was right–this is an inevitable result of a stacking the Sistine Chapel with activist Cardinals.
Or is DeLay happy about the Armageddon?
This is fun with names. http://babynamewizard.com/namevoyager/
The clocky prototype in the LA Times is truly heinous. Could they come up with something better than covering it in ugly brown carpet?
I was not trying to provoke you, I merely want scientific data that French and Italian babies are more retarded than American ones. And until I find that out, I will rest on my assumption that it's a conspiracy to deny women pleasure or CDMP.
I meant CDWP.
BrooklynDodger hesitates to enter a discussion which has expanded beyond hazard identification, exposure-response assessment, exposure assessment and risk characterization, the canonical taxonomy of risk assessment.
Assuming, for the sake of argument, that high dose Fetal Alcohol Syndrome is an accepted phenomenon, the question is whether there is an exposure response relationship extending to intake at lower levels.
This becomes a very difficult issue scientifically, because effect levels in animal models are relatively high compared to human exposures, yet there is a considerable literature suggesting a lower exposure risk for organic solvents. Physiologically, alcohol shares a CNS mechanism with anaesthetic gases and organic solvents, acting directly on neurons.
Human health effects studies on neurological developments likely depend on IQ measurements, themselves highly suspect and confounded with social class.
The Times recent article on wine
suggested that a couple of glasses would produce a blood alcohol of 0.04 in a moderate sized woman.
The Dodger has gotten bored with this post, and can't bring it to a conclusion.
I'm guessing you've kicked the hiccups by now (two days later), but for future reference:
Taking a very, very deep breath and holding it is often effective, and it has (pseudo)science behind it:
1) increased proportions of carbon dioxide in your bloodstream (as happens when you hold your breath and metabolize out all the oxygen) will help ease muscle spasms such as hiccups (and the arterial spasms that cause migraines).
2) hiccups are a spasm of the diaphragm, and taking a very deep breath and holding it is one way of flexing your diaphragm, as you would flex your foot to get rid of a hurty charly-horse.
Thank you, mysterious, helpful stranger.
The Dodger has suffered hours-long hiccups, following dental surgury. Dentist believes it's due to pressure on some nerve or other. In the Dodger's experience, sticking a finger down your throat and making gagging noises to the point of but not actually vomiting stops the hiccups. [The Dodger has not had to go to the point of actually vomiting.]
The NBA game does not work well for this type of analysis. I went to 82games and found out that Amare Stoudamire and Shawn Marion score a lot off of passes by Steve Nash. That is a statically insignificant fact bacause you need zero information from statistics to know it.
What I would really like to see is a behavioral economics analysis of NBA coaching, showing how the endowment effect and control heuristics influence coaching. I'd be willing to bet they have a lot to do with why teams only try to score late in the shot clock.
At the heart of the whole enterprise is the goal of assigning value to each play. That Shawn Marion and Amare Stoudamire have accepted lots of passes from Steve Nash and deposited them in the basket is a counting stat and has no meaning on its own. But, under the assumption that a player is worth only what he does statistically, then one has to figure out how much Stoudamire's game is actually predicated on dimes from Steve Nash.
The points per 100 possessions conversion is something lots of coaches look at. When talking about a basketball team's efficiency, it's important to know that in the NBA points are bought in bulk, which is different than say, runs. I don't have the average margin of victory in the NBA in front of me, but some gambling site says that in 2001-02 more than half the games were decided by between 2-9 points.
In the Shaq/Kobe argument, many people (people who are not bright) thought Kobe was the better because he hit the important shots late in games. But what they forget is that to get to those late game situations, you need bulk scoring early. It creates a situation where no possession is especially valuable, but every possession is valuable because it comes down to possibly less than three possessions per game.
What's up with Jennifer 8 Lee, is the 8 a cultural deal the Dodger missed?
Anyway, the whole article is based on "Honi soit qui may y pense" of people who fear their identity or persona. And, it took too long to read.
34 was all over that back when I used to actually post stuff on my blog. Check out this story, mysterious Dodger!
Also, Frank Rich's column is usually a good read, if perhaps just a collection of random media outrages sewn together.
And I had just had two meals out, one of them Thai, with Scotter the day before that Sunday Styles thing came out. Not that there's anything wrong with that.
I don't know about the rest of you flint-hearts, but I am truly happy for Prince Charles and the new
Mrs. Windsor and I find this all terribly romantic. So, I reproduce for you a classic love poem on their
wedding day. It's culture, see?
The Elephant is Slow to Mate
The elephant, the huge old beast,
is slow to mate;
he finds a female, they show no haste
for the sympathy in their vast shy hearts
slowly, slowly to rouse
as they loiter along the river-beds
and drink and browse
and dash in panic through the brake
of forest with the herd,
and sleep in massive silence, and wake
together, without a word.
So slowly the great hot elephant hearts
grow full of desire,
and the great beasts mate in secret at last,
hiding their fire.
Oldest they are and the wisest of beasts
so they know at last
how to wait for the loneliest of feasts
for the full repast.
They do not snatch, they do not tear;
their massive blood
moves as the moon-tides, near, more near
till they touch in flood.
Just in case I find this in tomorrow's New York Times, I'd like to say that we've already weighed in on the matter.
In an effort to manage favorable coverage of its investigation into the complaints, the university disclosed a summary of the committee's report only to the Columbia Spectator, the campus newspaper, and the New York Times. Those newspapers, sources indicated to the New York Sun last night, made an agreement with the central administration that they would not speak to the students who made the complaints against the professors.
Just to note that my reward for flying Jet Blue for six hours is that Michael stole my examples of Creationism and Holocaust denial as ideas that would not be tolerated at a University under the rubric of free speech. I want footnoting.
I was paginating a grant proposal at work today when Keith, the programmer with the office across from mine, poked his head through my door. "Have you seen any black widow spiders around?" he nonchalantly inquired, in a tone more appropriate for asking to borrow some tape flags. "No," I answered rather stiffly. "Perhaps you could order some from the Storehouse."
One of the consequences of being notoriously gullible is that it makes me paranoid, so when people come around talking about poisonous arthropods, my first instinct is to protect myself from mockery. But it turned out that Keith had stopped by because it occurred to him that being (relatively) new to the building and nonnative to California, I might not know about the black widow spiders that are endemic to Davis, and specifically to the CHE building. I still refused to believe him until Diane the postdoc and Cindy from maintenance had confirmed his story, at which point I yielded far enough to admit this would have to be an extraordinarily well-crafted prank. Cindy in fact pointed at the underside of my desk and said, "Hey, you've got a web right there," and cheerfully fished it out for me, only slightly disappointed to discover it was only a dust bunny. She went on to reassure me that people don't die from Black Widow bites unless they panic, because that gets your heart rate up and the poison spreads faster. She said this in a tone that indicated that only a real loser would panic at a spider bite, but I began to get the feeling I was a real loser when it came to spiders.
Because Keith is not the sort to brook insults to his honor, and isn't necessarily the sort to blanche at the idea of researching spiders on the clock, he was not satisfied until he had printed me out some pictures--one of a black widow and one of a brown recluse. The brown recluse, though not endemic to Davis, is apparently far deadlier. To make his point, Keith helpfully included a picture of a man's thumb after being bitten by a brown recluse. I do not recommend clicking on that link unless you have a strong stomach and some curiosity about what thumb bones look like. I have pasted the black widow's picture onto my monitor for reference, though when actually presented with a black widow my first reaction will probably be to ask Keith to kill it.
Thank you for coming clean. I was wondering who was responsible for Tom Delay.
Is it going off the air totally or taking a break or just getting a Republican president? I happened to tune into the end because I needed something to take me from my DVR'ed episode of PTI to 10:00pm on the East Coast.
Anyway, I am trying to convince Sharon to make the shift. Currently, our DVR records every Law and Order episode on TNT, which means our electric bill is taking a huge hit. However, because only .01% of the recordings feature an episode she has not seen AND Sam Waterstone, we do not watch any of them. I am lobbying for us to switch the recording to all West Wings on Bravo, which will not save us any money on our electric bill, but will give us more new material to watch.
There was a really gross article in the Guardian a few weeks ago about a Dutch scientist who claims to have observed duck necrophilia (outside his office window, no less). I don't know whether this says more about the Dutch or ducks, but either way, it gave me bad dreams—I prefer to think about ducks in the context of something happy, like Make Way for Ducklings.
Given that there is no usage of the newly instituted sarcasm symbol, I will have to take your feelings about Derek Jeter and Mo Rivera at face value. I am shocked, shocked to hear this!
What are your feelings on former Michagan stud and current Yankee/Cowboy underacheiver Drew Henson?
Drew Henson made his decision for money, which is a perfectly reasonable reason to make a decision, but not one that has anything to do with personal fulfillment. He's a case for the "Moneyball" theory of player development, where a physical specimen is not good at anything in particular on a baseball field.
Henson wasted important years and should have stuck with football. It's a waste of talent, but I suppose he'll cry himself to sleep on top of his huge pile on money.